jdomawa © 2011* All Rights Reserved
I often wonder what I would be writing about when I have the time to finally sit down in front of my own pc or laptop. It seems like a whole lifetime has passed by when I last sat down in front of one to put my thoughts to words. And now that I am finally here, after mulling about buying my own gadget for the past week, I find myself at a loss for words.
Where to begin?
I guess it starts two weeks ago when I finally boarded that plane that took me to this country I'll probably call my home for the remainder of my existence. I say this with a certain sense of sadness for the old country which had been my home for the past thirty years and the life I spent there but I must be honest and say that it is also with a sense of finality in the fact that everything points to this country that accepted me as my new home now. It doesn't mean that I have lost all love for the country of my birth. On the contrary, she will always be special in my heart. It's just that reality and a long honest look at oneself makes one face the fact that one has been embraced by another.
Why leave? There are many reasons, most of which are personal in nature which must remain that way. One reason I guess stems from the fact that as individuals, we all need to grow. And to achieve that, one must plunge into unknown roads and test oneself. To remain ensconced in the repetitive restrictions and monotony of one viewpoint is a death of character that stymies all options for growth. To grow, one needs sometimes to replant oneself.
Another reason I guess, which is plainly obvious is for economic reasons. We all know this and thus needs no further explanation. And then there is the social security and the environment. And yeah, the healthcare. And of course, the adventure of reinventing oneself again from scratch...
I boarded that plane with few regrets. I had an undelivered letter that I should have given to someone but I turned tail at the very last moment. It remains with me, a stark reminder of that aspect of my life when I could still feel the violent beats of a heart that believed itself to be in love. That, I hope is behind me now, fittingly left with all the baggages of youth and thoughts of romance. As for the career I've left, I regret not being able to be more. I regret staying ensconced in my shell and never bringing out all that I had to offer. I'll miss my students, that's for sure but that is a chapter that I must reluctantly close.
I have to speak of the weather. Hehe. I had most of my two weeks stay here in negative 20 C weather. I experienced chapped lips, which hurts like hell; frozen ears, which really makes you think that they will fall off; frozen cheeks, which really stings; and windchill, which makes you want to curl up in a ball. I saw snow (It's like the Chowking shaved ice, just finer in size and less packed for those who wish to know, hehe); felt it: it's cold, no surprise there; tasted it, its water, hehe; and was in the middle of a snow fall, which was nice though I was more concerned with the cold than watching it (within a few days trudging in cold weather, it loses its wonder). And yeah, I saw five large deers walking in the streets a few days ago.
I probably still have my luck with my career going for me. I have always said that I was somehow blessed in most aspects of my life, particularly on my career. I've never had to bleed to land a job. Somehow, it just happens. I owe my thanks to specific people who made this happen and I may never be able to repay them for their kindness. It offers a fresh start in the direction I'm looking for and I hope that it continues to remain.
And friends, I've always been blessed with friends. I will always have friends who will be there for me and I for them. A smile indeed opens many doors and a good disposition and respect will remain as the best tools to create bridges between people.
I am in the beginning of a new chapter now. There are a lot of doors open. There will be challenges, I know; but there will also be moments which will make them all worthwhile. This is the life I have chosen, the path that I chose to follow. I have just opened the door and there are a lot of it still that remains to be explored...
Saturday, April 16, 2011
jdomawa © 2011* All Rights Reserved