Ang Pakikipagsapalaran ni Bodoh Torpedo

Copyright 2011 by Johnny Domawa

All rights reserved

Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction, any resemblance to a person, living or dead is purely coincidental and unintended.

I am staring at the ceiling wondering about life in general when I started visualizing two people talking about random things. I am not a great talker but I do make a pretty decent writer, I guess so I can only write about certain things and I, as a person can never act do what I plan on doing. I get stumped when I face people and I always consider if what I say or do would be detrimental to the other person and that makes me shut up and do nothing. Which is a bad thing, most of the time…

And since I’ll probably never change, I am creating Mr. Bodoh Torpedo. If you know or think you know why I chose the name, by all means write me. A price awaits the lucky guesser or analyzer. Hehe. I mean that, though.

There will also be other characters which you might find familiar. They are:

Juan dela Cruz – the average Filipino, quite naïve though

Juan Tamad – another average Filipino, usually found hanging around Juan dela Cruz and he is wise

Mang Tasyo – the old wise-cracking old man who has an opinion about everything

Bill – our resident white dude

The Ghost of Maria Clara – patay na po kasi e.

Among other characters who will be introduced as the series goes on.

Anyway, I invite you to follow Bodoh as he attempts to make sense of his life and as he tries to grapple with life’s problems. Laugh with him and cry with him…

Scene 1: Si Bodoh at si Mayk

Sa isang bahay na malapit sa Malabon Zoo, makikita natin si Bodoh at si Mayk Rikez, isa sa mga pinakaiinisang brodkaster sa buong bansa ng Pilipinas. Si Bodoh po, sa hindi malamang dahilan ay iniimbestigahan ni Mayk

Mayk: Anong pangalan mo?

Bodoh: Bodoh po.

M: Ilang taon ka na?

B: Tatlumpo po (medyo nailing sa popo pero parang di napuna ni Mayk)

M: May trabaho?

B: Opo

M: May asawa?

B: (umiling: napatunganga si Mayk)

After a few seconds of stunned silence.

M: Tatlumpo ang edad mo?

B: Opo

M: Wala kang asawa?

B: Opo

M: (looks at the camera man) CUT! (returns to Bodoh) Tang-ina ka naman e, di puede magsinungaling dito. Interbiew ito, hindi komedi at di naman ako babae. Kaya ok lang na sabihin mo ang totoo. 

B: (through a soft shaken voice) E totoo naman po e.

M: (stares at Bodoh for a good long while and then he leans over and whispers) Xman ka ba?

B: (retreats suddenly, a bit ruffled) Wala namang ganyanan  a. Di ako bakla 

They stare at each other for a long time then they both laugh. 

M: Wala ka ngang asawa. (looks at the camera man) Sige, roll ulit tayo (returns to face Bodoh) So, wala kang asawa?

B: Ala po

M: Ba’t di ka nagasawa?

B: (stops for a long moment, bago umiling) Di ko alam.

M: Di mo alam, imposeble! May trabaho ka, di ba?

B: Opo

M: Ilan ba sahod mo?

B: trenta mil po

M: E, gago ka pala e. Dapat sa edad mong yan at sa trabaho mong yan me asawa ka na. Kilala mo si Juan Tamad, di ba?

B: Opo

M: E wala nga iyong trabaho, pagalagala kung saan may inuman, umuuwi ng lasing, naninikil sa magulang, nakikitira sa magulang na nakikitira sa lolo, may utang na mahaba sa tindahan pero may asawa siya… ang hina mo, pare. Nagkapoy ka nga kuna ti Ilokanu. 

B: (namumula)

M: Di wala kang anak?

B: (Paused for a bit) …di ko po alam…

M: (napanganga) at bakit mo naman nasabi iyon?

B: (embarrassed)…kasi po minsan, e may sinamahan po ako tapos, e…(trails)

M: Ano, kuwento mo na pare

B: e… nagising lang ako na may chikinini sa aking leeg

M: (natulala)…at ano naman ang koneksion ng chikinini sa posibilidad na may anak ka?

B: (namula) Di po ba ganun po ang nangyayari? Pag… pag ang isang lalaki (voice goes lower) at ang isang babae … ay pumasok sa loob ng silid po at nagising na may chikinini, di po ba un po ay nakakabuntis ng babae?

M: (natawa tapos naging seryoso) Sinabihan ka?

B: (nods meekly)

M: Nakita mo?

B: (shakes head)

M: Humingi nga pera sa iyo?

B: (shakes head) 

M: (Napatulala ulit) Walang hiningi? Walang magulang na lumusob sa bahay mo? Walang pulis na umakyat at bumugbog sa iyo?

B: (shakes head to all)

M: (napailing) Baka may anak ka nga pare.

B: …

M: Naaawa ako sa yo pare.

B: Dahil di ko sigurado kung may anak ako o hindi?

M: Hindi pare, pero kasama un. Naaawa ako at di ka kailanman magkakaroon ng asawa or kung magkakaroon ka man ay hindi iyon magiging masaya.

B: Bakit po?

M: Sinong babae ang magmamahal sa lalaking hindi alam kung may anak siya o wala? Wala pare, walang gugusto sa iyo at kung meron man, pag inamin mo ito, sipa at bukol ang aabutan mo. Kawawa ka. Huwag mo itong sabihin sa mga liligawan mo.

B: Di ko po magagawa iyon…

M: (stares at Bodoh intently and realizes that he is serious) At bakit naman?

B: Di ko po alam manligaw.

M: Gago! (sabay tayo at sinapak si Bodoh) CUT!

Women, in general do not want to know that they are not the guy’s first. Although, reality would probably point to the statistics that men entering marriage are, how shall we say, christened (bininyagan in the local vernacular); women prefer to not know about it and would hate an honest man for saying the truth and unfortunately, most of the times, such liaisons if you will create certain consequences that would probably mar every thing that happens after. A single mother has a greater chance of marrying than a single father who does not see his kid. Women see those kinds of men as pariahs and they are maybe right, you know. 

But that is life. It is messed up most of the time…