Fears...

There are some things in your life that just happens when you least expect it and during those moments, one becomes lost. The words that once flowed so fluently suddenly becomes strangled and one is left with a blank mind desperately trying to find thoughts that are apt.

Life is…unfair – for lack of a better word. I mean, some things just go wrong when you least expect them too. You hear news that is hard to swallow because the possibilities it presents are quite dire. The possibility of losing a loved one, particularly one who has always been a constant part of your life is mind harrowing. It shakes you to your core to finally realize that life is too damn short.

That people can be taken away from your life at an instant – just like that.

And I hate myself, really for being unable to do anything. I am too far from home to rush back home to be beside the hospital bed or to wait for the news that the doctor will say and my hands shake lifting up the phone because even now, I am desperately trying to convince myself that life has played a cruel joke on me, that the words ‘operation’ and ‘cyst’ are figments of my imagination.

The confirmation will be heartbreaking to say the least.

And I don’t know how to react, really. I hate myself for being numb and dazed. And my helplessness is rather painful and disorienting.

Be strong mom…

I can’t…

…