Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The Games we Play 2


Ain’t life crazy?

It has a crazy sense of humor, for one… Just when you thought that you are set for one direction in life, it throws you a bread crumb and once more, you are caught in the chaotic spiral of its grasp. I couldn’t help but smile with this realization… It denies you and then just at the last minute when you feel down like you’re just at the point of surrendering, it finds a way to draw you back.

And it doesn’t fail to surprise you.

I feel like that horse with the proverbial carrot dangling in front of him – so tantalizingly close yet so frustratingly far…

You know how we all have our dream persons?

You know, that person that we meet in life who makes us pause… Not in the heart stopping effect of mad love or the fleeting spike of pulses of a powerful physical attraction – but rather in the almost random surprising but rather painful thump of the heart when you see someone who you’re immediately attracted to but who is, in the same breadth, someone you can never hope to have…

Just like that. You realize that you are probably in love but your instinct tells you that you will never have a chance… So you keep away and go on with your life knowing that you both are meant for different paths that will never meet.

And when we daydream, sometimes that memory comes unbidden and one smiles inwardly wondering whatever happened to her (or him, if you are a girl)…

You accept the fact, of course, that she is better off with someone else that’s not you. It is a love that will remain unuttered, kept in the recesses of your heart, hidden from even the person that will ultimately capture your ring finger. This fact is accepted when you first lay eyes on this dream person. You are satisfied to know only that at least in a brief instant and in your dreams at least, you could imagine a future that included her.

But life is crazy, sometimes…

I’d venture to say that life is mad…

Inexplicably, the paths that were never supposed to meet somehow find a point where they cross each other. And everything that you once held only as images in a dream, suddenly come cascading down to clash with reality. Your carefully ordered life becomes a riotous mess – in a good way and life tempts you with the impossibility of a dream coming true.

That sucks to say the least…

Like the feeling you get when this situation comes up: As a child, you dream of being a pilot, a dream that might be unreachable due to your station in life but as a child, you allow yourself to revel in that innocent dream. When you grow up and realize that it is unreachable, you bury it with your childhood memories and you become something else. Then when you see a plane, you smile inwardly as you remember that dream. What’s cruel is when suddenly out of the blue just when you are settled with your life, the opportunity to be a pilot suddenly drops on your lap. And suddenly your mind is in chaos – that’s how it’s like…

Life is crazy…

So what do you do?

I myself ask that question…

And honestly I have no answers –

You still have the feeling of being undeserving, that someone else is meant to be that person to the one you dream of… but it wars with the nagging voice in your head that exhorts you to try…

And life seems to toy with you. Like that carrot in front of that horse…

And I couldn’t help but smile at the irony of it all…


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