Monday, August 6, 2012

Sacrifices... (30 Posts...)





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            Or just curious?

          Everything entails sacrifices. I mean, to cite a few examples… you are here because of the sacrifices of your mom. You have hope because of the sacrifice of the Lord. And you are where you’re at because the choices that led you here were all made with certain sacrifices.

            So it goes with weddings… or rather… marriage.

            And love…

            And don’t believe those people who say that there are no sacrifices. They are in a state of denial who are blinded by their own misconceptions and limitations. Or you can believe them… Which doesn’t really matter…

            People who go into serious relationships believing that they won’t change are crazy, selfish and egotistic bastards who are better left alone and held at arms length. They are inflexible creatures who don’t know that love means constant adaptation and change. And yes… sacrifices…

            So, you might ask: what are the sacrifices that I am doing as I transition from singlehood to being married.

            First off is time. And this is the hardest area to compromise. As independent souls so used to having our own schedule and our own weekends for so long, with our time to do with as we wish, transition to marriage is difficult. Our time now has to be apportioned (dreaded word – scheduled) with someone else. And the worst rescheduled part is the sleeping time. We can’t sleep in anymore!!!! (Or at least as often as we like to…)

            There must be time for dinner (before, you just go to the fridge, pop something on the microwave and hunker down in front of your computer) and eat as you see fit. Now you have this thing called breakfast time, lunch time and dinner time (Aren’t those three interchangeable before? LOL). And then you have to make time for each other (movie time, cuddle time, etc)….
           
            You get the picture.

            Time sacrifices are the hardest. Taken for granted when we were singles, it is now a treasure that must be allocated. Huhu. LOL

            Second is choice.

            And I mean that in general. When we were unattached, we can buy junk food with reckless abandon or any type of food that we fancy. Now, not so much. ‘We must have a full dinner!’ ‘Eat your vegetables!’ ‘Buy Lays, but only BBQ flavor!’ No more ice cream!’

            And that is just the tip of the iceberg.

            ‘You look funny in those pants, change it!’

            ‘Don’t cut your hair, grow it longer!’

            ‘We will have chicken for dinner, if you don’t like it, cook your own!’

            ‘No, we will not watch America Got Talent… we are watching The Bachelorette!’

            ‘That’s not green, It’s supposed to be lime green!’

            …and other stuff.

            But in a good way (lest she kills me, hehe). Restrictions makes us grow more. (I am reminded of that adage ‘Spare the rod and spoil the child’ and ‘It’s for your own good’ LOL)

            But it is a part of it. As I’ve said sacrifices… It’s part and parcel of love and life…

            Third is dreams. And I know that for most, its hard. But this is in no way negative. Our parents did it, whether we accept it or not and now that we embark on our own journey of marital bliss, we also do it, whether we accept or not.

            I don’t dream no more of life on the road, with a cat and an RV and a camera and a laptop to explore the world. That is unfair to my family if I still harbor that. Maybe a little escape during the weekend or a vacation years from now… but not as a lifestyle.

            And I have to let go of having that house in the middle of the wilderness with a small garden and a laboratory cum workshop in the basement. My dream house now is a safe home in the suburbs with a green lawn in front and cozy rooms filled with love and laughter (and hopefully, a manageable mortgage).

            And I can’t be an geeky researcher engrossed in chemical formulas and process designs. Lets face it, scientists lead lonely eccentric lives not fit to be family men. I now dream of a job that will give me enough to provide for my family, which will give me weekends to spend with them, and stress free enough that I don’t bring work back with me at home. The Nobel prize for chemistry once remotely out of reach, is now… definitely out of reach, hehe.

            And some others… but as you can see, when I say that you sacrifice your dreams, you just alter them or exchange them for others – some much more…

            Like now… some of my dreams include these…
           
            I dream of being a dad my kids will be proud of everyday of their lives…

            I dream of being a husband and a lover that will be the pride of my wife to be….

            I dream of being an everyday Joe who people at work would say ‘He’s good, nothing bad to say about him…’

            I dream of a few days a year I can get the car and drive to the countryside with my fishing rod….

            I dream of that hour when the kids are asleep and my wife will give me time off to pound the keyboard to attempt and finish that novel that might never get finished…

            Dreams like those…

            Fourth is the hardest (at least for me)… geeky hobbies…

            I can’t play PC games as often as I want to anymore… or watch Anime (we watch horror and bad comedy instead)… She laughs when I buy toys (collectible toys like the Troll she hates and the Lego I keep in my book case)… among others, hehe.

            There are probably more, I know… but these are the major ones, I think.

            Do I look at the sacrifices I am making with regret?

            The answer is no.

            A little nostalgic perhaps…

            But it is all worth it… and much more…

            Because that’s how we become one…

            That’s how we love…

            And that’s why we say with confidence the words

            ‘I do!’

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