Monday, July 9, 2012

The Months I Paused Writing...

How many days has it been?

Months,  probably….

End of November.

Was that the last time I wrote something in my blog?

I think it is.

I thought that I would be lost without it. It’s been a part of my life for so long that a separation from it would have been unthinkable, or inconceivable… I thought I’d be sad or worse yet remorseful… but I felt neither.

The feeling I got instead was something more of a mild relief – an assurance that writing is not the addiction that I can’t live without. The last few months without penning a word showed me that I can live beyond the imagined worlds that my thoughts offered. It helped me realize how multi – faceted life is and my place in it.

The sense of being – the knowledge of oneself is the price of that brief interlude. I am no longer just a writer; or a poet; or a teacher (or a former-teacher). I am that and much more. I am a son, a brother, a friend and now too, a lover, a father and a husband to be.

It is amusing when one realizes how many areas of life human like us fail to see in a lifetime. Life is a constant juggling act of various interests and roles. Only consummate individuals willing to sacrifice other aspects to be masters of a few emerge as different suffering both the boon and bane of their choices.

I love words.

I love how imaginary characters and places come to life with every click of keyboard…

I love the euphoria that is released when I have a story that unfolds in my mind and my hands fly over the keyboard to give it a concrete expression…

And I love the rapt emotions that my pieces elicit from my readers…

But my short vacation, if you will from writing, has made me realize a deeper truth. I wrote because of a deeper, much more basic reason – a reason which I probably knew but never really accepted.

I wrote because I was lonely.

I wrote because deep inside I was afraid to fade away and wilt unheard and unseen. Like all human souls that yearn for affection, I craved recognition and companionship…

And the reason I didn’t feel the withdrawal symptoms I feared when I decided to stop writing was short of amazing –
This is what I realized these last few months:

I am not alone anymore.


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