30 Posts Before the I Do's (And More...) Initial Thoughts

I am getting married in 37 days.

I know that exact number because there is an app in my phone that keeps track of it.

And men aren’t supposed to keep track of these things. It’s one of the ‘stuff of life’ that just happens. I mean, ain’t it less of a hassle if you just wake up one morning and you go through your normal routine and your friend (who happens to be your best man) drops in, shares a beer and then slyly reminds you that you are getting hitched in an hour? And you give him a befuddled look and you realize ‘Yeah right… I am getting married today’

Except for me, that’s not gonna happen. And my fiancée will probably have my hide if ever I forgot about my own wedding, haha.

So yeah, I am getting married in approximately thirty seven days, gave or take a few hours.

So you might be asking: How does it feel?

How does it feel?

Uhmm…

If you are asking that on the context of my bank account, then it is the most financially nerve-wracking event of my life so far. I mean, how expensive is a ribbon, anyway? And why do we need stuff like colored stones and plastic flowers? My fiancée is going to kill me. Bottomline… weddings are expensive. And honestly, I cringe sometime looking at those figures but in the long run as I see her artistic ideas come into form, I grin sheepishly. Coz marriage comes just once and it is best to give it your all to last your lifetime.

If you are asking on the context of my emotions… that’s something of a conundrum for me. I love the sense of belongingness that marriage signifies – the stability of emotions that it creates and the feeling of ‘home’ that one feels. On the other hand, I can’t just mope around in my room as I wish or pound the keyboard as I desire. The ‘freedom’ of singlehood is tempered now by domestic realities. One must learn how to hold anger,  to appease, and to hold back one’s own feelings to accommodate the other’s sentiments.  It’s a delicate balancing act best summed up by this adage ‘In marriage, you don’t think primarily of yourself anymore, you now have to adapt and realize that there are two of you now and the things you do (and feel) must take this fact in absolute consideration’. So yeah, my emotions are different now. How different? That’s for another post, probably.

If you are talking about my state of being (or contentment), then the answer is…. I’m uhmm… contented. Hahaha… People are probably smiling right now. But I am definitely contented. It’s hard to explain it really as words cannot really do it justice. Let’s put it this way: some of us have that place we call ‘our place’, the place we go to when we are in pain or simply in need of comforting. It can be physical… a spot underneath a tree, a section of our room, a place on the roof or something intangible that exists in the recesses of our minds, a place we crawl into when the world turns on us. Remember the feeling when you go into that place? That is the same…. Contentment, that is…

If you are asking if I am under pressure or stressed, I will say ‘Yeah, I feel a certain degree of stress.’ Who wouldn’t? More so probably on the bride who troubles herself on the color of ribbons and other stuff (like ‘our color is fuchsia, not pink or some other color’ when I chide her on it). My stress is on other stuff, though like ‘Who is gonna clean after we get married in the park?’ Or Do we stay after the reception and clean everything up? Who’s gonna be in charge of the slideshows and other technical stuff? I see the underbelly of the marriage ceremony, the stuff that makes it tick. If marriage is a clock, I worry about the gears. Which is funny, in a way… maybe…

I must admit that I really don’t care much about the superficial wedding stuff. I kid her on the décor and the other details (that have nothing to do with food or the main stuff). I don’t care if the seats have no covers or the tables are bare and unappealing. Coz sometimes those stuff just gets in the way. The heart of marriage lies when you look at each other and pledge your lives together. When you see soul to soul and smile and dedicate yourselves together in the eyes of God and other men. It is an intimate sacrament between two lovers.

Haha. She will probably skin me alive. LOL. But weddings... for women, is something that men shouldn't trifle with. It happens once in a lifetime, for keeps... a special moment which no man must ruin. LOL.

I love my fiancee.

When everything comes down to the core, this statement is the summation of everything. She is the woman that completes me.

She is the whole reason for this madness...

And I won't have it any other way...