30 Posts Before the I Do's (And More...) Initial Thoughts
I am
getting married in 37 days.
I know
that exact number because there is an app in my phone that keeps
track of it.
And men
aren’t supposed to keep track of these things. It’s one of the
‘stuff of life’ that just happens. I mean, ain’t it less of a
hassle if you just wake up one morning and you go through your normal
routine and your friend (who happens to be your best man) drops in,
shares a beer and then slyly reminds you that you are getting hitched
in an hour? And you give him a befuddled look and you realize ‘Yeah
right… I am getting married today’
Except
for me, that’s not gonna happen. And my fiancée will probably have
my hide if ever I forgot about my own wedding, haha.
So yeah,
I am getting married in approximately thirty seven days, gave or take
a few hours.
So you
might be asking: How does it feel?
How does
it feel?
Uhmm…
If you
are asking that on the context of my bank account, then it is the
most financially nerve-wracking event of my life so far. I mean, how
expensive is a ribbon, anyway? And why do we need stuff like colored
stones and plastic flowers? My fiancée is going to kill me.
Bottomline… weddings are expensive. And honestly, I cringe sometime
looking at those figures but in the long run as I see her artistic
ideas come into form, I grin sheepishly. Coz marriage comes just once
and it is best to give it your all to last your lifetime.
If you
are asking on the context of my emotions… that’s something of a
conundrum for me. I love the sense of belongingness that marriage
signifies – the stability of emotions that it creates and the
feeling of ‘home’ that one feels. On the other hand, I can’t
just mope around in my room as I wish or pound the keyboard as I
desire. The ‘freedom’ of singlehood is tempered now by domestic
realities. One must learn how to hold anger, to appease,
and to hold back one’s own feelings to accommodate the other’s
sentiments. It’s a delicate balancing act best summed up
by this adage ‘In marriage, you don’t think primarily of yourself
anymore, you now have to adapt and realize that there are two of you
now and the things you do (and feel) must take this fact in absolute
consideration’. So yeah, my emotions are different now. How
different? That’s for another post, probably.
If you
are talking about my state of being (or contentment), then the answer
is…. I’m uhmm… contented. Hahaha… People are probably smiling
right now. But I am definitely contented. It’s hard to explain it
really as words cannot really do it justice. Let’s put it this way:
some of us have that place we call ‘our place’, the place we go
to when we are in pain or simply in need of comforting. It can be
physical… a spot underneath a tree, a section of our room, a place
on the roof or something intangible that exists in the recesses of
our minds, a place we crawl into when the world turns on us. Remember
the feeling when you go into that place? That is the same….
Contentment, that is…
If you
are asking if I am under pressure or stressed, I will say ‘Yeah, I
feel a certain degree of stress.’ Who wouldn’t? More so probably
on the bride who troubles herself on the color of ribbons and other
stuff (like ‘our color is fuchsia, not pink or some other color’
when I chide her on it). My stress is on other stuff, though like
‘Who is gonna clean after we get married in the park?’ Or Do we
stay after the reception and clean everything up? Who’s gonna be in
charge of the slideshows and other technical stuff? I see the
underbelly of the marriage ceremony, the stuff that makes it tick. If
marriage is a clock, I worry about the gears. Which is funny, in a
way… maybe…
I must
admit that I really don’t care much about the superficial wedding
stuff. I kid her on the décor and the other details (that have
nothing to do with food or the main stuff). I don’t care if the
seats have no covers or the tables are bare and unappealing. Coz
sometimes those stuff just gets in the way. The heart of marriage
lies when you look at each other and pledge your lives together. When
you see soul to soul and smile and dedicate yourselves together in
the eyes of God and other men. It is an intimate sacrament between
two lovers.
Haha.
She will probably skin me alive. LOL. But weddings... for women, is
something that men shouldn't trifle with. It happens once in a
lifetime, for keeps... a special moment which no man must ruin. LOL.
I love
my fiancee.
When
everything comes down to the core, this statement is the summation of
everything. She is the woman that completes me.
She is
the whole reason for this madness...
And I
won't have it any other way...
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